Twittertastic

Joined that Twitter last week. Fantastic! Only been on it 11 days and I’ve got 39 followers. 39! It’s even better than Facebook (I’ve got 63 friends on that and I don’t even know that many people).

I must be honest, I’m not sure who they all are. There are 2 restaurants and even an apartment block following me. Then there are quite a few people from America who have some really good ideas about making money. I’ve also got a private detective following me, but that’s not on Twitter.

And I’m following some really interesting people. My favourite is Yoko Ono even though I never understand what she’s on about.

Some of the comments are a bit boring sometimes. A lot of people keep saying they’re too busy to Twitter – you wouldn’t phone someone to say you’re too busy to phone would you? And sometimes people send you a link to a site that has loads of links to other sites about Twitter and then they have too, so you can get dizzy.

But there’s loads of good stuff as well. I knew Tom had died before his missus because a bloke I know at the hospital Twittered it. You can even use it on the mobile. I kept the lads at the Bull up to date on how my prostate exam was going so they’d know if I was going to make kick-off at the match.

Going to see what this Second Life is all about.

The night of the living dead

I had a long look in the mirror the other day and saw Mick Jagger looking at me. So I decided it was about time to have a go at this Botox malarkey. I remembered that Google was my best friend, so had a search and found my local 'clinic'. Nice lady explained it all and said it was as easy as falling off a log (which is all well and good unless you really have fallen off a log at one of those tree-walk things, but that's another story).

Off I went, nice old building in leafy suburb. And that's were it all got weird. When I walked in there was a lady in a white coat wearing a Joan Rivers mask at the reception desk! She asked me to take a seat and help myself to the free coffee. Not long later another lady in a white coat invited me into an office - she was also wearing a Joan Rivers mask. I started to suspect someone had slipped something in my Muesli.

She asked me a few questions, took a few notes then took me into the treatment room, where there was... yes, you're there already aren't you... a lady in a white coat wearing a Joan Rivers mask.

So she asked me to lie on one of those doctors' surgery beds and peered closely at my face. As I stared at her face I suddenly realised it wasn't a mask at all! It was her real face, just kind of frozen and starey. It dawned on me that they were all their real faces. Who were they? Where did they come from? At that point I mentioned my prostate to the lady, made an excuse to use the Gents and legged it out of the door, into my car and away. Haven't slept since.

'The Heat' to reform!

Following a meeting in the Bull last night I can officially announce that The Heat are considering reforming. It was Harry's idea actually, after he heard about Spandau Ballet. I wasn't sure if you could call it a reform really when we only played once at the school dance in '69, but he pointed out that was more than Milli Vanilli so fair enough.

Of course it won't be the original line up because of Roger's gout, but he only got in anyway because he had a tambourine like that bloke in The Doors. Harry has still got all the Vox stuff, but we're having it checked out at the electric shop to be sure. Neil was a bit worried about my vocals still being OK, but I told him I'm singing along on Spotify nearly every day. Bit worried that I can't get into my loons though.

Anyway, rehearsal is next Tuesday in the upstairs room in the Bull after Elsie' s 50th do at 10.00pm. Watch this space!