Fine Dining

I read this charming blog post about the 10 little pleasures of food http://www.dailyfork.com/2009/07/10_of_foods_simple_little_plea.php

It got me to thinking about the wonderful experiences I’d had dining out with my kids. So here are my 10 little pleasures of dining out with children.

1. Choosing the venue. It usually goes something like this. “Shall we try the new place? They’ve got a new Michelin starred chef from that there London?” “Pizza Hut”. “OK, what about the Thai restaurant?” “Don’t like spicy food” “Yes you do, you love that Tesco Chicken Tikka Massalla”…and so on. The compromise is usually an Italian where they can have Pizza and draw on the tables. And you can usually sell a Japanese restaurant when they know they can sit on the floor.
2. Choosing the dish. This again usually revolves around the battle between Pizza and the rest of the world’s cuisine. I have developed some useful strategies in this area. For example, Kenyan food has a great similarity to Sayers pasties. However, I think they’ve worked this out now. They persuaded me to get them the Wienerwurst with fluffy jersey royals and a red onion jus when I refused them sausage and mash.
3. Enjoying the ambience. There is much debate about the merits of background music in restaurant ambience. I, however, feel strangely uneasy if I find myself eating without the soundtrack to Grand Theft Auto on the PSP in the background.
4. Choosing one’s seat. Quite easy you would think? And a fairly permanent decision? Not at all. I’m not sitting next to him, Neither am I, He’s got to sit somewhere, He sticks his elbows out, well she eats with her mouth open…etc. Can I move next to Dad? Why? He always leaves his dessert. Our sojourns are more like a game of musical chairs.
5. The Mantra. No meal would be complete without the ritual call and collect “Eat your vegetables” (congregation) “ No I don’t like them” “Eat your vegetables” (congregation) “ No I don’t like them”
6. Accompaniments. Now you’ve got two very clear choices here. Good parent: “you will not put ketchup on your chateaubriand” followed by “I’m not bringing them out again, they’ve not touched their food” or. Bad parent “oh well, if it will make you eat it you can have ketchup on your Paella”
7. Conversation. Of course engaging conversation with your fellow diners is an inherent element of any dining experience. However, you might find you prefer silence to discussions on bleeding knee scabs, denials of romantic involvement with the local scally (daughter by the way, not wife), blow by blow accounts of playground fights, who has and who hasn’t got nits, how far mates can spit or urinate, etc.
8. Table games. Who hasn’t enjoyed fun games at dinner parties? Simple quizzes or even a murder mystery. The kids however favour pea catching, cutlery juggling, burping the alphabet or pyrotechnics with candles.
9. Fellow Diners. Research tells me it takes a number of years for British reserve about hushed conversation to establish. Until then I find my kids enjoy remarking loudly on fellow diners BMIs, hairstyles (or lack of), fashion sense, personal hygiene, eating styles (as if they can talk!) and appropriateness of companion choice.
10. And finally, the journey home. Just one piece of advice here. It is not a good idea to go to that little restaurant up the twisty mountain road with the kids. I will not go into detail here – I’ll leave that for the kids to describe when we’re next dining out.